Starlight Descends - 25

Heavenly Queen

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"Yao-mei, what do you want to sing? We'll queue it up."

"Yao-mei?"

This time, it was Qi Yao who couldn't hear.

Her ears felt as if they'd been filled with water, the rush of it drowning out the noise around her, until all she could see were those deep dark eyes.

Her heart soared high, then plunged hard, a feeling of near-weightless tremor.

It was like setting out blindly to find a distant mountain, crossing rivers and pushing through tangled thorns. But the moment you finally glimpse the outline of that green peak, you were too exhausted, wondering whether all your effort had been for nothing.

But then, in the next breath, the mountain happens to lower its gaze, and notices the small, weary traveler in the mortal world below. Silently, it took a step toward you too. Even if only by a fraction.

Qi Yao pressed her lips together and sat down beside him as naturally as she could manage.

Yu Jiashu drew his leg back lazily.

It was a long sofa against the wall, no divider in the middle, and the far edge was a little cramped. When his leg retracted, it unavoidably brushed against her.

Her dress was very thin. The brief contact through the fabric sent heat flaring across her skin as if it had been touched by fire.

Qi Yao's fingers curled inward. She marshaled every ounce of strength she had to stop herself from fleeing.

The guy at the song-queueing station paused for a moment, then suddenly smacked his head as something occurred to him.

"There's a song that fits perfectly!" He typed a few characters on the screen, hit the "pin to top" and "skip" buttons, and the screen lit up with the title, his voice booming out alongside it: "Let's all wish Yao-mei—"

"Next Stop, Heavenly Queen!"

Liu Pingping let out a yelp and reached to change it. "Are you an idiot? Do you even know what that song is about…”

"It's fine."

Qi Yao's soft voice, carried by the electric current, echoed through the private room alongside the piano prelude.

"This one is fine."

Perhaps it was the equipment, but the end of her sentence carried the faintest tremor.

The prelude was almost over. The shifting colors of the KTV subtitles crept steadily closer. Qi Yao exhaled softly, not daring to look anywhere but straight ahead, and began to sing, her voice light.

"Standing before Times Square, carefully gazing at my path."

"Next stop, Heavenly Queen—of course, that would be best."

A Cantonese song, lyrical and melodious, the lyrics and composition both exquisite.

One she could sing flawlessly with her eyes closed.

Qi Yao didn't actually know Cantonese, but she knew this song so intimately that her pronunciation matched the original note for note. 

Her voice was soft, slowly melting into the song's atmosphere.

"Lovers on Paterson Street, faces full of pride and hope."

"On stage I'm free to sing, but the scenery may not be better."

"Fame is nothing but soap bubbles."

Her voice was warm, enunciation clear, the ends of her phrases drawn out just enough to soften the song's inherent coolness. The air seemed to stir with tender dust motes.

It was beautiful.

The whole room fell silent.

The noisy atmosphere faded. Someone must have bumped the light controls; the psychedelic colors shifted to a soft, pure white, settling over her.

"Even if one day I hold my own concert, who would I want to sing for?"

"If he cannot be there, it would still feel like a life half-lived."

On the screen was the concert version when Twins reunited years later. Saturated blue light washed over every face. Glow sticks waved, illuminating the shimmer of tears in the audience's eyes.

And the tears in hers.

This song had played countless times on her MP3 player, back before she'd become radiant and shining, from the very beginning of her long, bittersweet years of unrequited love.

Like the letters from the past, this melody had borne the weight of so many nights when her emotions broke through the dam. In the dim gloom of her girlhood, it had been her sole solace.

Ah Gil and Ah Sa had sung into the ears of a teenage Qi Yao: “In the end, becoming a heavenly queen, becoming a bride—all of it was the dream.”

And now, borrowing this song meant for someone else, she could finally dream in secret, in front of everyone.

The future was within reach. The one she loved was beside her.

"No matter how many love songs I sing, it still feels forced.” 

"However brightly the stage lights shine,"

Qi Yao felt a sting in her nose, her heart swelling and aching in waves, as if a wet sponge was lodged inside her chest.

"It can never compare to leaning close to my beloved's ear and singing tenderly."

The small patch of skin where they touched still held a faint warmth, pressing gently against the ache in her heart. That alone gave her the courage not to let her voice waver. Her chest rose and fell in shallow rhythm.

Through the long chorus, the melody slowly descended as she sang the final line.

"In truth, the greatest wish in my heart..."

"Is to go home with him and sing for him."

The melody settled into silence.

On the big screen, the camera pulled back from the close-up to reveal the full audience singing along, the applause and screams so vivid it felt like you'd really been at the concert.

The arena dome glowed faint blue. The Twins, unchanging across the decades, embraced on the screen, tears brimming at the corners of their eyes.

Yu Jiashu's fingers curled slightly inward, he turned to look at her.

The girl’s silhouette was slight, her back held straight, her neck long and graceful. Dark lashes lowered over her eyes, the corners of her peach-blossom gaze faintly red.

...Why was she crying?

Words surged to his throat, then were swallowed back down. He had no right to dictate what she feels.

He simply stood, pulled a tissue from somewhere, and held it out to her.

The room stayed quiet for a long moment. For a while, no one made a sound.

By the time Chen Yinyin came back to herself, her eyes were red, face streaked with tears. Li Xun reached over gently to wipe them away.

Liu Pingping sniffled and said softly, "So this is what actors are like? How does even her singing carry this much feeling?”

The screen automatically played the next song, something lighter and more upbeat, diluting the heavy atmosphere.

Li Xun managed a laugh. "Yao-mei, you call that 'not much of a singer'? I'm never believing you again."

The man leaning against the song station only now realized the song didn't mean what he'd thought. He scratched his head sheepishly. "Sorry, Yao-mei. But you sang beautifully."

"It's all right," Qi Yao said.

Yu Jiashu leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. He didn't look at her again.

By unspoken agreement, everyone pretended not to notice the tremor in her last note, the nasal catch in her voice when she spoke. The occasional curious glance was blocked, subtly, by the man's still form.

The lights swirled in psychedelic splendor, but the shadow he cast over her remained constant, quietly enclosing her within it.

***

After a while, someone suggested heading to the campsite for a barbecue.

Li Xun and a few of the other guys set up a projector and picked a movie. The girls sat in clusters, chatting softly in their white portable camping chairs.

Chen Yinyin seemed especially emotional today and insisted on pulling Qi Yao into drinking with her. By the time the movie ended, an entire table of people were slumped over.

The ending credits were scrolling across the screen in English. The night had grown heavy with dew.

"Ten o'clock. Should we call it?” Li Xun was half-carrying Chen Yinyin, asking softly.

"No!" Chen Yinyin clung onto Qi Yao's arm. Her eyes, her nose, her entire face was red. It was hard to tell if it was from the alcohol or tears.

"Still saying no. Look at yourself. You've been rolling around on the ground." Li Xun hoisted her up and started walking out. "Any more and you'll be climbing the utility poles next, you know that?"

"I said no!"

Li Xun fended off Chen Yinyin's flailing and looked back at Qi Yao.

Liu Pingping had been taken away by the two remaining sober women. Qi Yao was the only one still sitting there.

"It's fine, go ahead." Qi Yao waved him off. "I'll have my assistant pick me up."

She looked sober. Her face wasn't flushed, and she wasn't babbling nonsense like the others. But Li Xun was still uneasy. He called out, "Jiashu, you two are neighbors, right? Can you take her home? I don't like the idea of her assistant coming alone this late."

"Sure."

Yu Jiashu swept his gaze over the scene. Empty bottles were rolling away across the lawn with a hollow clinking sound.

"Really, it's fine," Qi Yao said, pulling out her phone. "I'll call Lizi right now.

He lowered his eyes, scanning the bottles on the ground beside her.

One, two, three...

There were five or six just near her feet.

She sure could hold her liquor.

"Yu Jiashu."

"Hm?"

"My phone's broken."

"Is it?" Yu Jiashu was gesturing for a staff member to fetch a jacket from his car, answering offhandedly.

"Really." Qi Yao turned the screen to show him. "I can't unlock it."

Yu Jiashu glanced at it. His earlier assessment, he decided, had been accurate, fair, and incisive.

He loosely held the collar of a jacket. Same brand again, black, oversized cut, the very one that had briefly draped over her in his car that one time. The dark fabric bunched in his hand only accentuated the sharp lines of his knuckles.

He simply settled the jacket over her shoulders. "You're trying to unlock your phone from the dial pad?"

Some people are born with an air of effortless grace in everything they do. Even such a gentlemanly gesture, when he did it, still seemed completely natural. No fuss, no awkwardness, no sense of intrusion.

Only a coward who dared not speak her heart would feel her heartbeat silently skip.

The familiar scent enveloped her. The warm, broad jacket belonging to the man rested loosely on her shoulders, like suddenly being clad in soft armor.

Qi Yao pulled her hand back, looked again, and let out a slow dawning "oh." She began clicking for Lizi's number.

The jacket slipped with her movement, baring the pale line of her collarbones and chest. Yu Jiashu glanced once, then averted his eyes. He tied the sleeves of the jacket in a knot at her neck.

"There."

His gaze dropped again. Seeing her still trying to dial from the unlock screen, the corner of his mouth tugged. He crooked his fingers and gently plucked the phone from her hand.

"I'll drive you back."

Qi Yao wasn't difficult to handle when drunk.

She didn't wail like Liu Pingping, or throw a tantrum like Chen Yinyin. In fact, she was remarkably well-behaved, sitting quietly. When she wasn't speaking, she seemed almost no different from usual.

But when she did speak, it was a different matter.

She just sat there stubbornly, in her chair on the nighttime grass, tilting her face up to look at him.

"I don't want to go back."

Her cheeks were pale. Stray strands of hair fell loose around her ears. The fine, scattered light reflected in her eyes. Her voice was soft.

Yu Jiashu looked at her for two seconds. Then, as if conceding, he tilted his head slightly, pulled a chair over, and sat down casually across from her. He stretched out his long legs and leaned back, the picture of lazy ease. "Then what do you want to do?"

Old classmates, briefly reunited for a day, had dispersed once more. People kept passing by, saying their goodbyes, like a montage of figures at a chaotic city intersection.

Li Xun carried Chen Yinyin into the car, waving to him from a distance.

Gradually, only the two of them were left on the wide lawn.

The daytime wedding decorations were being dismantled by the staff. The beautiful backdrop. The pristine white canopy. The flowers, scattered and slightly wilted after their day of glory.

Piece by piece, like a beautiful dream coming apart.

"Yu Jiashu."

"Hm."

"Did I sing well?"

Yu Jiashu looked at her. He paused for two seconds, then said nothing.

Qi Yao didn't seem to care about his response. She simply looked up at him.

Alcohol made a person feel weightless, adrift, numbing her usual sensitivity. She moved at her own center of gravity now, rambling slowly, almost endearingly blunt.

"I listened to this song so, so many times before. I almost went to that concert."

"I'd even picked out my outfit. Then they suddenly said the lead actress had a tight schedule, and everyone had to report to set early."

She frowned slightly, a look of distant reminiscence settled on her face.

"I missed it by just that little bit."

"I feel like so many things in this world are like that. Missing by just that little bit."

Almost a Heavenly Queen. Almost a bride. In the end, both were just dreams.

Yu Jiashu was beginning to think this girl wasn't actually that drunk. Her words were clear, her thoughts coherent and logical. He was just about to give her a proper reply when Qi Yao looked down and untied the knotted sleeves.

She pulled the jacket off. The moment the warmth left her body, she shivered involuntarily in the autumn wind, yet she still stubbornly set the jacket on the table with a frown.

"I don't want it."

"?"

Yu Jiashu's eyebrow slowly arched."Why?"

"You let someone else wear it."

Qi Yao said it with her eyes half-lowered.

It had been many years since Yu Jiashu felt the urge to blurt out something emotionally charged. Now, at the most inopportune moment, the word rose in him again.

"Bullshit."

He watched her shiver slightly in the chill night air, tugged at the corner of his mouth, and picked up the jacket by its collar, placing it back onto her lap. 

"This jacket has only ever been draped over you."

"Really?" Qi Yao pressed her lips together, her fingers clutching the hem of the jacket. She tilted her head and asked quietly, "Not even that girl?"

Definitely drunk.

She'd actually dared to ask.

"Which girl?"

Yu Jiashu tilted his head slightly, mentally running through all the women he'd seen today. He didn't recognize many.

“The one you’re very close with. Very pretty, long hair,” Qi Yao said, trying hard to recall, her voice growing quieter as she gestured vaguely. “From all those years ago.”

"Who?"

He was genuinely baffled now. Yu Jiashu frowned slightly, thinking back.

His gaze drifted absently, landing on the wedding photo of Li Xun and Chen Yinyin in the distance. In an instant, the image of a figure hurrying away through the courtyard pavilion surfaced in his mind.

His expression eased. Then, the corner of his mouth tugged upward. 

"Yan Jiu?"

"No way, Qi Yao."

The more he thought about it, the funnier it became. He leaned back, a smile curving at the corner of his mouth as he watched her with unhurried amusement, his eyes full of teasing.

Even the way he said her name carried a hint of laughter.

His tongue pressed briefly against the back of his teeth before he let the sound slip out lightly into the air. It made one's heart go soft.

“You really aren’t afraid her husband will come after me?”

Qi Yao blinked. The simple sentence had to loop through her mind several times before it registered with a dull shock. "...She's married?"

Yu Jiashu looked at her without speaking, leaving her to her stunned bewilderment. 

"Then all those rumors about you and her..."

"You believe every rumor you hear?" He arched an eyebrow, his voice stretching lazily with amusement. "They used to say my first love was in elementary school. You believe that too?"

Qi Yao considered it seriously for a moment, then nodded.

Yu Jiashu: ?

Never mind. No point arguing with a drunk.

He looked at her, his dark pupils unreadable. A laugh suddenly escaped him.

"I see it now. You really were incredibly focused in high school."

"What?"

"Did you pay attention to anything else besides me?"

That particular spectacle had caused quite a stir at their school. Someone was brazen enough to march right up to the auditorium stage and confess. And this girl genuinely didn't have any idea.

"Childhood friend. Married my other childhood friend. The wedding was earlier this year," he said lazily, his tone lifting. He was, uncharacteristically, patiently explaining.

The delayed impact of the colorful fruit wine suddenly surged up, scorching Qi Yao's cheeks and the tips of her ears. A flush of guilt at having her secret exposed washed over her. 

"...I didn't pay that much attention to you." She averted her eyes, murmuring awkwardly.

Yu Jiashu's voice was an unhurried, teasing drawl, laced with a smile. "Fine."

"Didn't pay any attention to me at all."

His voice trailed off, blatantly placating her.

Qi Yao darted a glance at him, then quickly looked away. Her head drooped lower, practically burying her face into his jacket.

The scent of cedar and mint was sharp and cool, which should have sobered her up, yet it only sank her deeper into the haze. The flush spread from her cheeks to the tips of her ears. She muffled a sentence: "I want to go back now."

"Let's go."

Yu Jiashu laughed for a moment, then gave an affirmative grunt. He unfolded his long legs and stood with a lazy stretch. 

"Time to escort the big star home."

The drive back was quiet. 

Qi Yao clutched a glass bottle of soda, sitting in the passenger seat, not saying a word.

The highway was nearly empty at night. The black Bentley raced through the city's neon-lit veins. 

Qi Yao leaned against the car window, eyes half-closed, sinking into the chaotic, floating sensory dream of alcohol.

The car slowly pulled to a stop downstairs. Yu Jiashu turned his head and looked at her for a moment, then got out and circled around to the passenger side to wake her. 

"Go inside and sleep properly."

The moment the door opened, Qi Yao's body tipped with it, her head lolling sideways. Yu Jiashu caught her, his hand bracing her head.

The alcohol had truly hit her now. She was barely conscious.

She'd nearly pitched face-first onto the ground and barely reacted, just frowning slightly.

Her lashes fluttered. By instinct, she reached out and pressed down on the back of his hand, her cheek unconsciously nuzzling against it.

...Soft. Delicate. Burning hot.

Her lustrous, pale skin rubbed gently against his cool palm. Her slender fingers rested on the back of his distinctly boned hand. Wherever her fingertips traced, they found the raised contours of tendons and knuckles. 

Yu Jiashu's Adam's apple shifted. His dark lashes lowered, expression unreadable.

His fingers twitched with a nearly reflexive spasm, which he forcibly suppressed.

When Da Bai and Zhou Qi got drunk, he'd just leave them where they fell. He had absolutely no experience dealing with drunk people.

Let alone a girl.

Fortunately, the awkward angle and the sense of falling jolted her awake. Qi Yao slowly opened her eyes.

She tilted her face up to look at him and called out, in a daze.

"Yu Jiashu."

Her cheeks and the rims of her eyes were flushed. The way she shaped his name was soft, caught between her lips and teeth, like the very air was suspended with something tender.

"Mm." He answered, taking hold of her wrist to help her down.

She seemed to like saying his name.

Over and over, tirelessly.

"Do you know what Chen Yinyin said to me today?"

She couldn't even stand steady, and she was still worrying about what other people said.

A fragrant softness filled his arms, he didn't respond.

"She thought throwing a bouquet was too cliché, so she took that part out."

Her words came softly in fragments. She braced one hand on his forearm to get out of the car, the other on the doorframe, her steps still stumbling.

"But she said, today she's the bride, and whatever she says comes true." Qi Yao's head was lowered, offering Yu Jiashu only the dark crown of her hair.

"She said she hopes I get my heart's desire.” 

“But how can I get my heart's desire?"

Qi Yao gripped his forearm, standing between the half-open car door and him. She raised her head, her delicate brows knit together, as though genuinely puzzled. 

"I wanted to pay attention to you too."

"But after graduation, we had no contact at all."

Her face was so small. From Yu Jiashu's angle, he could see the delicate tip of her nose. Her dark, long lashes fluttered gently, like beautiful, rain-dampened butterfly wings.

"I never ran into you. I had no news of you. Every letter I sent was returned without reply."

"The one and only connection I had was secretly adding you on WeChat.”

Her voice trembled. Even wrapped in his jacket, she was still red-eyed in the biting, wild autumn night wind 

"But in all these years, you've never even posted a single Moments."

Qi Yao's eyes and the tip of her nose were very red. Broken light shimmered in her eyes, about to spill over. A sob entered her voice.

"I didn't even have material for my dreams."

Her tears slid down from the corners of her eyes, like a broken dam. She looked at him with reddened eyes.

Those peach blossom eyes, usually so soft and serene, were now brimming with watery light. She looked unbearably pitiful.

Yu Jiashu raised his eyes and met her gaze. Their eyes held, and something seized in his chest—a clenching ache, rhythmic and sharp.

A long moment passed. Then, a faint, barely audible sigh drifted through the air.

The early autumn wind still howled. In the small hours of the night, it slipped through the window left imperfectly sealed, nudging it open inch by inch, wild and unbridled.

Qi Yao's head was pounding. Her consciousness was hazy, still mired in fog, her throat raw. She sat up to close the window and get some water.

The cool liquid slid down her throat, chasing away some of the parched feeling. She propped her head in her hand and glanced at her phone. Her foggy awareness snapped back all at once, pinning her in place.

Late at night, Moments were sparse. Scrolling to the bottom gave only a few scattered posts.

And so the familiar black profile picture stood out so starkly.

Two brief words. Contextless. Sitting there alone.

Posted two hours ago.

[S]: Done. Posted.

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