Summer in Your Name - 55

On the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, third-year students returned to school.

With the new semester came new arrangements; seats were rearranged based on the previous semester’s final exam results. 

Sheng Xia's new deskmate was Li Shiyi, who had previously sat with Zhou Xuanxuan. Their grades placed them in the middle of the class.

Zhou Xuanxuan's grades hadn't changed much, she was seated in front of her.

Among those around her, the only familiar face was Qi Xiulei, who now sat to her left.

As before, Zhang Shu occupied the last desk in the single row. 

Despite his setback, he still held the top spot in Class 6. 

When it was time to move seats, Xin Xiaohe clung to Sheng Xia, pretending to sob dramatically. She only reluctantly let go when nearly everyone had settled into their new seats. 

But the person on her right simply asked, "Did you leave anything with me?”

Then he moved away.

He came back again to help her—first moving her desk, then carrying her bookcase. 

He asked again, “Anything else to move?”

Sheng Xia replied, “No, that’s it.”

On the surface, nothing seems different.

But Sheng Xia felt that something had changed.

He wouldn't even look her in the eye anymore.

It was too different.

What exactly happened to him yesterday?

Did something happen at home, putting him in a bad mood?

Their desks were now half a classroom apart. He hadn't come to her, and she wasn't sure if she should approach him.

After class ended, he either slept with his head down or buried himself in practice problems. 

During the last morning break, Sheng Xia used the excuse of getting water to pass by the back door. Seeing him scrolling on his phone, seemingly free, she was about to say hi. But before she could even utter ‘A-Shu’, he had already laid his head down to sleep.

Best not to disturb him then.

At noon, Sheng Xia was still packing up when she saw Zhang Shu already leaving the classroom, not even waiting for Hou Junqi.

Hou Junqi called after him, "A-Shu, wait for me!" Then turned to Sheng Xia, "Hurry up, Little Sheng Xia!"

Sheng Xia quickened her pace to catch up with Hou Junqi.

But they were still trailing far behind Zhang Shu. 

By the time they reached the Afternoon Care, Zhang Shu was already eating.

Sheng Xia and Hou Junqi sat in their usual spots.

The meal passed in silence.

"A-Shu, are you sick?" Hou Junqi asked.

Zhang Shu replied, “Are you cursing me?”

Hou Junqi: “...”

Sheng Xia kept her head down, eating without joining the conversation.

He's still acting normally with Hou Junqi. 

So, it was just with her that things were different.

This gut feeling grew stronger with each passing day.

He seemed exhausted, napping through most breaks. Reverting to his old habit of arriving at class just in time. He left after only two evening study sessions, which was unusual.

Other than that, he seemed fine. He answered questions when asked, still threw sharp-witted jabs when the guys gathered around. He didn’t seem like he was unhappy.

So even Hou Junqi didn't notice anything.

The three of them still ate together. Zhang Shu was still considerate—carrying her heavy backpack, fetching her soup if she forgot.

Their interactions were about the same too. 

Sheng Xia didn't talk much to begin with, so most of their conversations simply fizzled out. 

Sometimes, Sheng Xia wondered if she was overthinking things?

But the silent QQ chat window told her that everything had truly changed.

---

After submitting her manuscript, she no longer stayed up writing until dawn. By midnight, she was in bed.

But after tossing and turning for what felt like ages, she gave up, opened her eyes, and stared blankly at the ceiling, lost in thought. It was as if the ceiling became a screen, projecting scenes of him.

Everything seemed the same, yet nothing was.

The spark in his eyes was gone. The warmth in his words, gone too. And it was only with her.

She was certain now—he was distancing himself from her.

In her phone, the latest QQ chat was with Tao Zhizhi. 

That day, during their ‘date’, Tao Zhizhi had practically live-streamed the whole thing, so when it fell apart, she was even more upset than Sheng Xia.

“What? He didn’t show up?”

“No way, it was your first date!”

“He was the one who called it a date!”

“Did he say why?”

“Did something happen at his home?”

Sheng Xia Sheng Xia had no answers to these questions; she wanted to know too. 

But so many days had passed. If he hadn’t explained by now, he probably didn’t want to talk about it.

Thinking it over, they actually weren’t that close. She couldn’t even guess what might have happened to him.

The only mutual acquaintance, besides classmates, was Zhang Sujin.

But Zhang Sujin seemed to be in a pretty good mood recently, not like someone who has trouble at home.

"No big deal, you looked stunning for the date. His loss for not showing up!”

“Xiaxia, don’t be sad. I’ll curse him out with you this weekend!”

These were Tao Zhizhi's last messages.

Was she sad?

Of course.

On the way to the ‘date’, she’d even brought two helmets, wondering if she should hold his waist when he gave her a ride. Would that be too forward? The thought alone made her cheeks blush.

 

On the way back, staring at the unused helmet, her eyes suddenly welled up.

 

Blushing on the way there, teary-eyed on the way back.

Confusion. Heartache. Regret. 

Of course she was sad.

So sad that she never wanted to go on a date again. 

Sheng Xia mindlessly opened Q.Q Space, scrolling through her feed until it looped, then aimlessly scrolled back. She remembered the night he confessed, saying he figured out her birthday from her message board. Curious, she opened his.

The oldest posts were from a year ago, mostly meaningless posts like ‘just passing by’. 

As she exited, she accidentally tapped on her previous notification.

She casually looked through it; almost all were his likes and comments on her posts.

Someone who’d combed through her entire Space, liking and commenting on every post, now had nothing to say.

A pang of sourness prickled at her nose as she stared at those comments. 

Then, suddenly, Sheng Xia sat up straight.

She scrolled to the bottom and read upward, line by line, in reverse.

[I got dizzy.] 

[Really like spring? Nanli has no springs, thanks.] 

[Like, happy at school, happy back home.] 

[You don't respect the thunder gods, huh?]

 

[Do you like this style?] 

[You are a great writer, thanks for sharing.] 

[Know that rumors are truths.] 

[That's it.] 

[?] 

I–Really–Like–You–Do–You–Know–That–?

Sheng Xia checked again in disbelief. 

It was exactly that, in perfect order. How could it be a coincidence?

 

At the time, she had thought that aside from the first few comments, which could barely relate to her posts, the rest seemed like nonsense.

She hadn’t paid much attention then. 

But when was that again?

It was the night they returned from Binjiang Square.

Had he started to like her that early?

Sheng Xia lay back down, tossing her phone aside, staring blankly at the ceiling.

If that was the case, then why?

He liked her, and she knew it. So what now?

His feelings were something she couldn’t understand.

Maybe she had the right to ask?

Sheng Xia wasn’t sure, but a voice inside her was screaming, urging her on.

She grabbed her phone again and posted a status on Q.Q Space, visible only to ‘Song Jiang’.

[At times now warm, now cold, it's hardest to rest.] 

---

At two in the morning, Zhang Shu saw Sheng Xia's post.

His desk lamp was still on; he’d just finished studying for the day.

 

The weather was neither hot nor cold. Was she having trouble sleeping?

If he remembered correctly, that poem had a line before it: Seeking, searching, cold and clear, miserable and desolate.

That line seemed more fitting for him.

Rubbing his tired neck and shoulders, Zhang Shu stood, checked the time, hesitated for a few seconds, and knocked on Zhang Sujin’s door.

“Sis, wake up.”

“Sis?”

“Sis!”

Zhang Sujin opened the door, her face sour. Who’d be in a good mood after being woken up in the middle of the night?

But the next second, she was wide awake. 

Zhang Shu stood tall in the doorway, saying gravely, “Sis, I’m in love.”

Zhang Sujin looked at her little brother, blinked, stepped out of her room, and sat down on the living room sofa.

“Get me a glass of water.”

Zhang Shu said, “Oh,” fetched it, and grabbed a can of cola for himself, popping it open with one hand, and chugged it straight from the can.

Zhang Sujin watched the tall, well-built young man standing a few meters away, his Adam's Apple bobbing as he drank. For some reason, her eyes felt a little hot.

The little kid who used to cling to her legs had grown up so well.

“Here.” Zhang Shu set the water on the coffee table in front of her, then leaned casually against the TV stand. "You said I must tell you if I fell in love.”

Zhang Sujin thought to herself: …You didn’t have to tell me in the middle of the night.

“With Sheng Xia?” she asked bluntly.

After a few seconds of silence, Zhang Shu said, "Not ‘with’. Toward.”

Zhang Sujin: “What do you mean, one-sided?”

Zhang Shu lowered his head. "It can't be mutual. She's going abroad."

He recounted everything from his confession, skimming over his talk with Lu Youze and the date that never happened.

Zhang Sujin asked, “What’s your plan?”

“I don’t know,” Zhang Shu said, taking another gulp of cola, letting the fizz jolt his senses. “If it was earlier—first year, second year, even the start of senior year—I might’ve had a way. But now, I’ve got nothing.”

Powerless, lost.

Zhang Sujin: “Have you asked her?"

"Huh?"

"Asked what she thinks.”

Zhang Shu shook his head.

“Guys and girls handle problems differently,” Zhang Sujin said. “Guys focus on solving things. Girls care more about feelings and attitude. Don’t decide for her. Give her a choice. Talk it out—only then will you know what’s truly best for her. Your ‘self-sacrifice’ might not be what she wants.”

Zhang Shu: "Focusing on feelings instead of solving the problem—doesn’t that risk being irrational? If this continues, what if it really affects her studies and future?"

Zhang Sujin nodded. "It might. But even if it ends, there should be a proper goodbye.”

Zhang Shu fell silent, his gaze unfocused, lost in thought.

Zhang Sujin: “The reason I told you to tell me is to remind you to protect girls, physically and emotionally. Not because girls are especially fragile, but because their wounds take longer to heal. Sometimes, for some, they never do.The more innocent someone is, the truer this is. By not showing up to the date, you’ve already messed up. She might never want to go on one with you again.”

A faint sigh escaped Zhang Shu’s lips.

“Got it.” He downed the last of his cola, crushed the can in his hands until it was unrecognizable, and tossed it with a perfect arc. It clanged into the trash bin.

“Get some sleep, Sis.”

Zhang Sujin didn't say more. For Zhang Shu, a few words were enough.

But as she stood to go back to her room, she heard a weak and defeated voice from the young man behind her:

"Sis, I really like her. I like her so much that my heart hurts just thinking about her.”

---

The next morning, Sheng Xia woke up and immediately checked QQ. Apart from Tencent News, there were no notifications.

No likes or comments on her status.

Not even a visitor record.

Had he not seen it?

Maybe he’d gone to bed early? He had been going home earlier lately.

Thinking back to their late-night study sessions over voice chat, it felt like a lifetime ago, when it had only been half a month.

Zhang Shu was still sleeping through morning to afternoon, though only during breaks.

At lunch, Sheng Xia noticed he wasn’t checking his phone.

Remembering her post, she felt a bit embarrassed. If he wasn’t going to see it, she might as well delete it tonight.

As she was lost in thought, someone called her: “Sheng Xia, come out for a second!”

It was Fu Jie. Wang Wei was there too.

Before she could get up, Zhang Shu jolted awake, as if summoned by some command. He lifted his head, glanced at Sheng Xia, then towards the voice by the window.

His eyes held a groggy, half-awake haze.

It was like an instinctive reaction.

Fu Jie laughed. “Zhang Shu, awake? Why not sleep a bit more? We didn’t call you, why’re you getting up?”

The room erupted in laughter.

“Sleep, sleep, always sleeping! Even the bell can’t wake you! Don’t you see how few days are left on the countdown? Can you sleep your way back to first place?” Old Wang nagged relentlessly.

Sheng Xia wasn’t sure if she should step out now.

 

Wang Wei was clearly exasperated with Zhang Shu.

Someone suddenly shouted, “Just call Sheng Xia, and he wakes right up! Her name’s his alarm clock!”

Another wave of laughter swept the room.

Sheng Xia’s face flushed red.

Teasing in private was one thing, but how could they do it in front of the teacher...

Zhang Shu chugged half a bottle of water, as if trying to clear his head, then snapped, “What’re you blabbering about?”

His tone was one of real reprimand.

The classmate froze, and Sheng Xia stiffened.

This was the first time he’d responded to their teasing. 

As if he was trying to avoid suspicion.

Wang Wei scolded the rowdy student, “Focus on your own studies!” 

Then he added gently, “Sheng Xia, come here.”

"Sheng Xia, I need to tell you this right away," Fu Jie said, her face serious. "Your manuscript didn’t pass the first round. The editor said the individual pieces are fine quality-wise, but as a collection, it lacks a theme. Too scattered. This is because we didn't plan it out properly beforehand."

It was also Sheng Xia’s fault for wanting to take shortcuts. She’d considered that a collection needed unity, her earlier pieces were written on a whim, naturally lacking cohesion. Later, she couldn’t bear to scrap the tens of thousands of words she’d already written.

Sheng Xia’s heart sank. “For the theme, do they mean unifying the era or the style?”

Fu Jie nodded. “Roughly.”

“What about submitting to other publishers?”

“Probably the same result.”

Sheng Xia wasn't ready to give up yet. "Then what if I rewrite it?"

“Tough,” Fu Jie analyzed. “I've looked through your work carefully. The most you have from the same era is eight pieces, but the genres vary too much. IfIf you group by style, the bold ones have six, the delicate ones around ten, and the rest are hard to categorize and very niche.”

Even if she had ten pieces in the same style, that would only amount to 20,000 to 30,000 words. There wasn't enough time left to rewrite everything.

During last semester’s finals, she’d stayed up until dawn every night, sleeping just four hours, writing tirelessly. All for nothing. 

It was like being struck by lightning on a clear day.

When something this shocking happens, you’re just numb.

The cruelest blow isn’t having no hope; It’s watching hope shatter before your eyes.

Wang Wei noticed the girl's lips turn pale white, unsure if he should continue talking.

"Sheng Xia..." he started, “Sheng Xia…” Wang Wei started anyway. “Director Li called to ask about your transcript. Your grades from No. 2 High School weren’t uploaded yet. When you have time, send it to me.”

Sheng Xia’s ears were buzzing; she barely heard him.

But she knew Fu Jie and Wang Wei weren’t here for the same reason.

Fu Jie nudged Wang Wei's arm, signaling him to stop talking.

"Sheng Xia?" Fu Jie called out.

"Yes, Teacher Fu?"

Fu Jie comforted her, “If it doesn’t work out, focus on the college entrance exam. You’ve improved a lot. Keep it up, push a bit more, and you can still get into a great university.”

Sheng Xia murmured, “I understand. Thank you, teacher.”

She didn’t know how she got back to her seat. Only when she sat down did she realize—this was the first time in days she'd passed by the classroom door without glancing at what he was doing. 

She had no energy to care.

 

Tomorrow, the first and second year students will officially start school. As evening study prep began, the two neighboring buildings were buzzing with noise. The third-year students could only shake their heads, muttered a few words, glanced at the countdown board, then buried themselves back into their books.

Most people have to cross the narrow bridge of the college entrance exam. 

What made her think she could build a ladder to the clouds?

Her ability had limits; she had no options.

Sheng Xia pulled out her phone and opened Q.Q. In the chat, the study-abroad agency’s teacher had sent her a new class schedule—SAT prep classes were starting soon. 

She still didn’t reply. Instead, she opened her Space and deleted her latest status.

‘Sheng Sheng Man’ is a poem of longing and resentment.

A sorrow destined to go unanswered.

Sheng Xia popped a piece of chocolate into her mouth, steeling herself to study. 

Wallowing in sadness is pointless.

As she tossed the chocolate wrapper into the trash bag, she noticed it was overflowing, crowding her deskmate Li Shiyi’s bag. Li Shiyi shot her an annoyed glance.

Sheng Xia mumbled, “Sorry,” and took the bag to the sanitation corner to toss it.

Back when she sat with Zhang Shu, her trash always took up his space. Did he find it annoying too? And her stuff was always scattered everywhere…

Even Xin Xiaohe was speechless at her sometimes. 

But he never seemed to mind. 

He looked like a difficult person to deal with, but he was actually pretty patient.

Sheng Xia tossed the bag into the big trash bin, shaking her heavy head, why was she thinking about him again?

Even throwing out trash made her think of him.

Just as Sheng Xia was about to turn around, the world suddenly went dark. Screams and complaints filled the air—

A power outage? 

So, even the wealthy and prestigious affiliated high school could have a power outage?

“Damn! With the first and second years back, all the lights are on, the power grid must've been overloaded again!”

"Seriously, what's wrong with the electrician? This happens every year. Didn’t they do maintenance during the break?”

“Wait, it’s not just us. My family group chat says the power at our house is out too.”

“The whole area’s down?”

"Great! Let's all take a break everyone!"

“Oh yeah, let’s see who dares study in secret!”

"Go buy candles—quick!"

Sheng Xia didn’t dare move. She was standing at the sanitation corner, a small corridor on the north side of the building. Behind her was a row of camphor trees rustling in the dark night.

Everything was pitch black.

She knew she should return to the classroom, but her feet refused to move. She had slight night blindness and couldn’t adjust to the darkness, unable to make out anything.

A chill ran down her spine.

All sorts of strange and creepy thoughts came into her mind…

Eerie and ominous.

Suddenly, a gust of wind passed, and something large approached. A hand grabbed hers, she froze, instinctively letting out a soft yelp—Ah!

But compared to the classroom’s chattering chaos, it was barely audible.

Then she heard a familiar voice say, “Don’t be scared.”

Before she could process what was happening, she was being led forward, out of the small corridor, through the teaching building, and onto the covered walkway.

In the pitch-black night, she could barely see.

Yet the warmth from the tightly held hand made her blood boil.

From the classroom behind, Hou Junqi’s voice rang out: “Let’s go buy candles, A-Shu! Wait, where’s A-Shu? A-Shu! Where’d he go?”

A moment later, Wang Wei’s voice bellowed, almost roaring: “The whole area’s out! Wait for the school’s generator—half an hour at least, an hour at most. It’ll be fine! Stop making a racket!”

The noise stopped.

As they walked farther, the voices behind them faded until they were gone.

They reached the sports field. As they descended the steps, he walked ahead, holding her hand to guide her, and turned back to ask, “Can you see?”

Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness. She could make out shapes now. "A little."

At the track, he said, “Let’s take a walk.”

He let go of her hand, and she stayed close by his side. Neither spoke first, the silence so deep they could hear their breathing. The white lines on the rubber track stood out starkly in the dark, she followed them, taking small steps.

He seemed to notice and slowed down too.

A walk.

They said walking together was more intimate than holding hands or kissing. 

It was an ordinary night without moonlight, but Sheng Xia suddenly thought—The moonlight is beautiful tonight¹.

(¹: A poetic and indirect way of expressing ‘I love you’.) 

---

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