Summer in Your Name - 23

Showdown

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"What are you doing…" Zhang Shu was tall. Chen Mengyao, feeling a pressure she'd never felt before, took a small step back.

Zhang Shu pulled his gaze away from the path. He looked at the bright face before him and studied it. Suddenly, she didn't remind him of Zhang Sujin at all anymore. Zhang Sujin never beat around the bush. Her eyes were always direct. Straightforward.

She only resembled her when she sang. Especially when she held a guitar; the posture, the voice, they were identical. He could almost see a young Zhang Sujin, radiant with charm.

That night during military training, the song she sang was one of Zhang Sujin's. An obscure track you couldn't find anywhere.

The similarity in their voices was disorienting.

"What makes you think I'd be jealous?" Zhang Shu asked, turning the question back on her.

The sudden sharpness in his tone took Chen Mengyao back. She froze for a second before recovering. "I don't pay attention to that stuff. My friends all say so."

"Your friends? Who?"

She hadn't expected him to grill her like this. "I have a lot of friends. You want me to list them all? Is that the point?"

Zhang Shu let out a short laugh. "Do they also say I've been chasing you since middle school? That I'm hopelessly devoted to you, pining away from unrequited love?"

Chen Mengyao choked, sensing his attitude tonight was off, and she wasn't sure if she should push the conversation further.

She'd come to ask why he didn't give her flowers. To hint that he could take things further. How had it turned into her being the nervous one? Sometimes she really hated this indifferent side of Zhang Shu. Hard to read, hard to handle.

She chose to retreat for now, matching his aloof expression with one of her own, using a "can't you take a joke?" tone. "Zhang Shu. What are you doing right now?"

Zhang Shu suddenly didn't know what to say. He wasn't good at handling these things.

Usually, he treated his friends, guys or girls, pretty much the same. But with girls, he was more polite in his words, he might throw in a playful jab or two, but never as ruthless as he was with guys. 

So this kind of ‘showdown’ conversation? He wasn’t sure how to proceed. He'd never had a fully candid, blow-by-blow talk with a girl before. Too light, and it wouldn’t land. Too harsh, and it might hurt her.

Tricky!

He'd never really cared about rumors. They never had any real impact on him. If he publicly denied certain things, it would embarrass the girl. That stuff might not matter to him, but he knew it might matter to them. So he mostly ignored it all.

But these rumors were getting out of hand. At this rate it's spreading, he’d be painted as some kind of lovesick saint.

Life was too short to be a lovesick saint. He'd rather go on a pilgrimage.

"Chen Mengyao. Have I ever said I like you? That I want to pursue you?" Zhang Shu hesitated, then decided to just be direct. Get to the point.

Chen Mengyao was startled. "What are you trying to say?" He hadn't, of course. With his personality, if he liked someone, he'd just act on it. Saying it out loud wouldn't be his style.

Zhang Shu carefully considered his next words. "First. I don't like you, so there's no jealousy.

Second. I don't know where these rumors started about me liking you since middle school. If they bother you, then I'm sorry. If you don't mind them, I won't embarrass you by denying them publicly. But we need to be clear between ourselves: it's total fiction. We didn't even know each other in middle school, right?

Third. You're a good singer. I hope you become a big star. When that happens, I'll be your fan, no problem. But that’s separate from me liking you.

Fourth. I gave you flowers back then because you said a performance isn't truly successful without flowers. My sister said the same thing once. I thought it made sense. Ranunculus are my sister's favorite, and I figured girls were probably the same. You seemed to like them too. Those flowers were expensive, at least to me, they were damn expensive. I hope they weren't beneath you. Now you've got a ton of people giving you flowers. You're a success. You don't need mine.

Fifth. I think the recent rumors have gotten a bit ridiculous. So this time, I didn't give you flowers. To avoid any unnecessary misunderstandings. Are you seriously cornering me here in the middle of the night over some questions from your friends? Do I have to give you flowers? I'm really broke here!

Sixth…"

Lost in his own meticulous list, he didn't notice the girl's face darken, her hands clenching into trembling fists at her sides.

"Enough. Stop!" Chen Mengyao cut him off, her voice low. She’d stopped listening after “we didn’t even know each other in middle school, right?”

Right? Like hell.

And 'First, Second, Third, Sixth'? With a mouth like that, why not study broadcasting!

Zhang Shu looked up and stopped rambling.

What a hassle. He’d rather be flipping pancakes than having this showdown.

"So, what you're saying is, you've never liked me?" The girl's voice carried its usual proud edge, as if his entire speech hadn't stirred anything in her. She was like a haughty swan, questioning a tourist who'd photographed her without feeding her.

"Yeah!" Zhang Shu nodded. A bit confused why she'd suddenly put on that determined expression. "Anyway, it's not like you like me either. Why do you care about this? Or is that how it is with big stars? You need everyone to like you?"

Chen Mengyao said, "Everyone says I've been playing hard to get with you. Is that it?"

Zhang Shu didn't follow. "What?"

"What if I said, let's be together? Would you still say you don't like me?" Chen Mengyao took a deep breath.

What kind of logic was that? Zhang Shu rubbed the back of his neck, frustrated. "Aren't you chasing Lu Youze? What's this about? You know he's going abroad, so you're looking for a backup?"

"I..." Chen Mengyao suddenly couldn't find words. "I'm not chasing him anymore. And I know you had it out for him because of me before… Look, that’s beside the point. It’s in the past now. Do you want to be with me or not?”

Zhang Shu was completely thrown. "Why would I want to be with you? Wait, first things first, I went after him not because you were chasing him. He just pissed me off. Got it?"

Chen Mengyao pressed on. "So you really don't like me?"

Zhang Shu threw his hands up. "Right. Do I need to prove it?" Isn't this hurtful enough?

Seizing on his open arms, Chen Mengyao suddenly moved towards him, as if to throw herself into his embrace.

Quick as a flash, Zhang Shu grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back. His mental script was gone. He didn't care anymore. Words tumbled out without filter: "I've never even dreamed about you. And I mean never. You figure it out."

"..."

 

Chen Mengyao froze. The silence around them was deafening.

A night breeze rustled through the camphor trees, whispering softly.

"God, that's gross. I heard the rumors going around were crazy, and it freaked me out. I still wanted to be friends, but if you actually liked me, that wouldn't be possible." Chen Mengyao took two steps back, crossing her arms and putting on a casual expression. "Fine then. We're good.”

Zhang Shu: ?

At this point in the conversation, he roughly understood. Why else would she come here to confront him like this? But since she'd chosen to retreat, to preserve her dignity, he didn't need to grab her by the tail and stomp on her pride.

Wu Pengcheng had once told him that Chen Mengyao was really vain. Materially and spiritually, loved money and attention. He'd never commented on it. Who doesn’t have a bit of vanity? Judging a girl like that seemed a bit much.

She just cared about saving face. Whatever.

"I'm leaving." Chen Mengyao turned gracefully and waved a hand.

Zhang Shu stood there a moment, letting the wind blow over him. He glanced at his phone. Almost ten.

No wonder that scaredy-cat had rushed through the neighborhood…

---

The first monthly exam arrived. For Sheng Xia, this exam meant more than for others.

It would show her how well she was adapting to Affiliated High.

In the week leading up to the exam, Sheng Xia studied like her life depended on it, staying up late every night. Wang Lianhua had to urge her several times before she'd finally went to sleep. Even then, her dreams were filled with equations and problems, she was practically possessed.

During the day, she was inevitably tired, so she drank tea to stay alert.

She loved the scent of jasmine tea and brought some to school to brew. The fragrance wafted through the whole classroom. During a break, Fu Jie came to her desk to ask what brand it was.

Sheng Xia didn't know. “It’s from home. I’m not sure.”

Fu Jie complimented her directly. "Jasmine really suit you. Fragrant and beautiful, blossoming so fair."

The praise was so straightforward it made Sheng Xia a little shy. She smiled warmly at Fu Jie. She didn't blush at everything anymore. She just took a while to warm up to people; once she did, she was fine.

One aisle over, Fu Jie's words drifted into Zhang Shu's ears. The lyrics to "Jasmine Flower" ran through his head: What a beautiful jasmine flower… Fragrant and beautiful, blossoming so fair… Let me pluck you… and give you to someone else…

Fragrant and beautiful. Blossoming so fair. Why give it to someone else?

What weird logic and wording.

Stupid song.

---

The exams were just as Xin Xiaohe had described. Two rows of desks were moved into the hallway, the ones in the classroom were spread out apart, and the test began. The teacher just handed out the papers, went off to do their own thing, and came back to collect them at the end. A complete hands off supervision.

Affiliated High teachers graded fast. No exaggeration. Chinese in the morning, math in the afternoon, and by evening both subjects' scores were out. The class reps already knew the results. Lu Youze told Sheng Xia, "You got first in our class for Chinese."

Sheng Xia was thrilled. "Really? I thought I’d do worse.”

"Really. You've got this," Lu Youze encouraged her.

Sheng Xia gave him a grateful smile, suddenly feeling confident about the other subjects. During english and science the next day, she took them with a relaxed mindset and found the difficulty manageable. Before the exam, she'd done a few of Affiliated High's notoriously brutal practice tests from previous years. This monthly exam felt only moderately difficult by comparison.

But by evening self-study, her mood plummeted like a rollercoaster hitting rock bottom.

All subject scores were out. The grade ranking was announced during the second period of evening study. The speed of feedback was impressive.

Sheng Xia ranked 43rd in class, ninth from the bottom. Her grade ranking was over 1,600.

Her class rank had improved by two or three spots, but her grade ranking was far worse than before.

This showed she adapted better to the joint exam papers than to Affiliated High's independently set papers. That sounded like a mixed bag, but it was actually bad news. Affiliated High's independently set papers were universally acknowledged as higher quality than the joint exams. Many well-connected students privately sought out Affiliated High papers from tutoring centers to practice on.

Having stepped out of her old comfort zone and into these treacherous, unfamiliar waters, Sheng Xia had stumbled hard.

Even with all her mental preparation, it still hurts.

Affiliated High's pace was at least a semester ahead of No. 2 High's. They'd finished the entire Grade Three curriculum by the end of Grade Two. During the summer extra classes for seniors, they reviewed the Grade Three material again. After the semester officially started, they'd begun their first round of comprehensive review.

So Sheng Xia had spent her whole summer vacation in cram school, trying to catch up, attending classes for over twelve hours a day.

And now, here at Affiliated High, her effort level was on a completely different plane than it had been at No. 2 High. Yet it reflected nothing in her scores. Especially in Math, she’d poured most of her energy into it, yet barely scraped a passing 91, sixth from the bottom.

This was her true level without added exam stress. If she'd been nervous, who knows how much worse it could’ve been. 

Had her two months of effort been nothing but self-delusion?

Her gaze fell on her delicate pen holder and her array of colorful gel pens.

Maybe she really was just a poor student with nice stationery.

When the second period of evening study ended, Sheng Xia was still staring at her papers, organizing her mistakes, showing no sign of leaving. Or rather, she hadn't even noticed class was over and hadn't even heard the bell.

Zhang Shu noticed that, for the entire study period, she hadn't taken a single sip of water or gone to the bathroom once.

She was like a scanner, her head buried in her papers, going over them again and again. Only looking up when the teacher displayed solutions on the whiteboard to check answers.

She wasn't making a big show of it, but it was unusual enough.

Xin Xiaohe hadn't picked up on much, but she did notice Sheng Xia wasn't going home. "Xia Xia? Are you staying for third period?"

Sheng Xia looked up. "Huh?" as if surfacing from her own world. She glanced at the half-empty classroom. "Oh, I should get home."

Xin Xiaohe said, "Yeah. It gets. creepy when the streets are empty. Go back first. If any answer keys come out, I’ll save them for you.”

"Mm. Thanks."

"No problem, babe!"

As Sheng Xia packed up, intending to take the papers home to review again, a hand from across the aisle snatched it away.

Zhang Shu looked at her paper, then up at her. "I'll explain it to you?"

There it was, that pitying look again. The one for idiots.

Sheng Xia tried to pull her paper back, but he held tight. She said quietly, "Thanks, but not right now. I need to go home."

"I'll send you," Zhang Shu said.

Sheng Xia’s eyes widened, and the air around them seemed to go still.

Does he know what he's saying?

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